You know what kills me? Whenever I chill with my single homegirls and they start talking about their dating lives and how much modern day men SUCK. It’ not that I don’t think there’s any merit to their statements (hell, how would I know? I don’t date dudes), but I find their reasoning to be pretty hilarious. Essentially, their argument is: “Men nowadays treat women with little to no respect, therefore men today are musty as hell”. Usually after one of my homegirls says that, the entire group starts lickin’ shots (the non-West Indians are confused right now) and they start co-signing like a mutha—-. This is usually the time in the discussion when I decide to ask “why is there such a focus on men respecting women, when so many women don’t even respect themselves?”
This idea that men don’t respect women needs a WHOLE bunch of qualifiers, and the MAIN one is stating that most men don’t respect MOST women. I agree with women on that point, but the idea that men, by-and-large, are UNABLE to respect ANY woman is a complete load of BULLSH*T. The truth is, most men WANT to find a woman he respects, but he won’t grant a woman that until he meets a LADY who commands respect.
One thing that most women don’t understand about men is that we LOVE companionship. Most grown-ass men LOVE the idea of having a great woman by his side that he can ride with, provide for, love and start a family with. Men actually DO have an idea of what a ‘great woman’ is, and when he finds a woman who exudes those characteristics, he will be openly attracted to her. But on the flip side, when a man finds a woman who is FROWSY and exudes all of the traits he DOESN’T want, he will treat her in the manner that she shows she will ACCEPT. Men ain’t about trying to save and shape another adult. You can’t come at a grown man like Joseline Hernandez and expect to be treated like Michelle Obama – that sh*t doesn’t work. And before you go on some BS rant about how men “back in the days” treated ladies, please note that that sh*t is just as true in 2013 as it was in 1933, so DON’T TRY IT.
Yesterday I posted a blog in response to Jai Stone’s article about how Black men have turned our collective backs on Black women, and most of the women I talked to about that article feel that it’s ‘spot on’ because it’s reflective of her OPINION and experiences. Well ladies (regardless of your race), I think it’s time that you allow us men to be open and honest about OUR experiences out here on the dating scene, because the truth is:
The FROWSY women grossly OUTNUMBER the quality women by a LONG SHOT.
Now I’m sure that’s true for men as well, and I’m sure women won’t hesitate to point that out. But, for THIS conversation, we are focusing on women. I really don’t think women TRULY understand that dating has degraded on BOTH ends. You can blame the men all they want, but most dudes are out here adapting and adjusting to the behaviour of the women. Men are out here asking women to “chill” at his house for a FIRST date – but y’all don’t understand how many women are accepting that offer and even ASKING men to “chill” at HER house for a FIRST date. Men may lack chivalry – but how many women are demanding it as a non-negotiable necessity on dates?
What’s lost in these dudes behaviour is the fact that he holds these women he meets to the standards of the “good woman” he hopes to settle down with one day, and the SECOND she exudes a lack of self-respect, he’s either gonna keep it movin’ or treat her however she will accept. But that is just as true for musty women, as it is with GREAT women.
One of the REALEST statements I’ve EVER heard about us men is: Different people are different people with different people.
Grown men will ADAPT to YOU and the aura you put out into the universe. Women who command respect will receive it. Women who respect themselves are easy for us dudes to see, because we are constantly exposed to women who DON’T know the first thing about self-respect. You can call us whatever you feel like, but I’m treating these two women exactly how their actions and dictate they should be treated:
Sorry ladies, but it’s ILLOGICAL to ask men to place ALL women on a pedestal, ESPECIALLY when Y’ALL won’t even do the same for OTHER women.
This Is Your Conscience